tata tales

Perhaps this is too much information....

      One of the things that mastectomy patients have to decide upon when doing reconstruction, is whether to have nipple flap surgery,with a tatooed areola... or have 3d nipples tatooed on, like this.  I decided to wait, and give myself time to heal , and decide what I wanted to do. I've read that many survivors, feel more "whole" when this process is finished.  A couple of weeks ago, I discovered these online...

                 

  So what the heck!  I ordered a bunch of different shades to try!  So if you know of anyone who has not gotten to the last step in reconstruction, tell them about these.  They're much more realistic looking when over skin, and it's a great way to see if that's the direction that they might want to go!  And you know what? When I get a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I do feel more like my old self!   Was this TMI?

 

One and Only...

                           

     This is the one and only picture taken while I was bald... it was the day that I shaved my head.  My son, Alex came over, and surprised me with the same 'do!  It was a sweet gesture, and  I don't know if he can ever understand how much I love him!    

                            
                    

          I know, it's been such a long time since I've posted on this blog! Since the last surgery at the end of February, I have been doing physical therapy off and on.  Some scar tissue problems left me able to only  lift my left arm halfway...but the PT helped tremendously, and I have nearly full range of motion now!  My next Dr. appointments are in October, so I'll find out then if I need to do another surgery to fix some cosmetic issues, and possibly to take out some of the scar tissue.

   

Surgery...and news....

On Feb. 24th, I had surgery to take out a little more margin, remove the expanders, and replace them with implants.  The term margin refers to the  distance between a tumor and the edge of the surrounding tissue that's removed along with it.  The goal is a completely negative area all the way around. I had an area that was considered "close", but the pathology came back completely negative. And can you believe it, after all of that, I was  home sleeping in my own bed that evening!  I am definitely more comfortable, but it still feels strange.  Like a foreign object under my skin...  Well, duh!  It IS a foreign object under my skin!  I don't know what I thought that it would feel like, but hopefully I will get used to it after awhile.

Monday was my post-op appointment, to take off my bandages.  I was kind of scared, but it's not too bad. The incisions are healing well, but it is quite possible that a revision will have to happen in a few months.  Ugh.  Let's just say, that I am a little horizontally challenged!  But the doctor said that it take at least 3 months for things to "settle", and I still have to have physical therapy (starting in a few weeks). 

The best news however, is that my Dr said that I am CANCER-FREE!!!!

 

Light at the end of the tunnel...

                            

                                        (sneak peek of my Oregon Art Camp project)

    This Thursday, I am thrilled to say,  I will be getting rid of what I have been calling Modern Medicine Torture Devices!  I know that I will be sore for a little while, but the Dr.'s all have said that I will be much more comfortable once the expanders are gone.  I still haven't made a for sure decision on saline or silicone...
  

 

Saline or Silicone...

I know, I know, it's kind of a strange question!  In the last 9 months, I have had several big decisions to make. Like what kind of surgery I wanted to have, did I even want reconsruction...and many more small details that just might fall under the TMI category!  Now that I am at the surgery part of the reconstruction, I have to decide what type of implant that I want.  Speaking as a person, who had a breast reduction about 15 years ago, I certainly never thought that I would have this decision to make.  I have read the literature that they give about the pro's and con's of both. But, I am wondering if anyone out there has had reconstruction, and has any comments, pro or con, about the type that they went with?  And, if you don't feel comfortable posting, feel free to e-mail me or send me a FB message.  Thanks friends!

Modern medicine torture devices...

I've had a couple more Dr.'s appointments since my last post.  My expanders are now at 525 ml, and they are more uncomfortable than ever! I actually took a vicodin today for the pain, and I didn't even do that after my surgery.  For the last couple of visits, I have only been seen by the NP, and she has been the one to add the saline to the torture devices, uh, I mean expanders!  Next Monday, I will meet with the Dr. to see if I am expanded enough, or if I need more.  Please, oh please, let this be it.  And hopefully I will be able to set a date for the surgery to take these out and put in something softer!!  I'm thinking positive thoughts...

Moving forward...

                         

    I can't believe it has been so long since I've posted...and that Christmas and New Year's have come and gone. I had my last appointment on Dec 20, and had 100 cc of saline added to each of my expanders... which now makes a total of 325 on each side. Each one holds a total of 500, but can be expanded past that to 600.  I'm seriously wondering what bra size I would be, if I just stopped at this point.  I am so over them!  They are so uncomfortable, and the only way I can describe how it feels, is to say that it is like have a hardish plastic,stiff underwire bra, or a boned bustier under your skin. Yea, not confortable!   I have another appointment coming up on the 10th for the next expansion...so I am going to ask about stopping at this point.

  Otherwise, the physical healing has gone well, and Ithink I am mentally ready to move on to the next phase, and hopefully to try to get back to feeling somewhat "normal" again. I wonder if that really ever happens after cancer?

Taken before the board....

  This past Monday, I had my second post-op appointment. They were able to take out one of the drains...ouch!  But the other one was just at the point where she felt it could go either way. So, she didn't take it out, and of course amount of "yuck" it has drained has been very low...so it would have been fine. (Hubby is gonna take me back on Friday, to have them pull it...boy will I be glad to be rid of that.)  And, she added 75 cc of saline to each expander, to further stretch the muscle.  Next Monday, they will add 100 cc each, and then because of the Holidays, It will be a couple of weeks before I can go back.

   At UCSF, each week the doctors get together in a meeting they call "tumor board", and go over all the patients, and discuss and share their ideas, regarding their progress, and care.  So, my case was taken before the board on Monday...I found out that during my surgery there were 6 lymph nodes taken out, and that one had a tiny amount of cancer.  The question was, if that amount would warrant me also having to do radiation as well? Or, would i need to have more nodes taken out.   The concensus was no.  Especially since I will have to take a drug called Tamoxifin for the next several years. (more on that as I learn about it).  Although they do want me to have one more meeting with the radiation oncologist, to verify with her.  I also found out the that part of my "margin" (the area around the tumor that they like to have clear of cancer cells), wasn't quite as large as she had hoped...so when they go to swap out the expanders for the implants, she will go in and take out a little more tissue.  So, I'm glad that can be done at the same time, and not have to be a whole other surgery.  All in all, I would say that this was all positive news!

The girls are gone...

  It has been a little over a week now since I had my surgery...and I had my first post-op Dr. appt's last Monday. I had bandages over everything until then, so that was my first look at myself.  I'll just say, that it's not pretty, but my Dr. said that I am healing nicely already, and "they" will be beautful when we're all done!  I'm gonna have to take her word for it, at this point! 

  I did also find out that there was some cancer in a lymph node..(they ended taking out 4), but not all of the pathology was back yet, so I should find out more info at my next appointment.

   The most uncomfortable part so far, are the expanders that were placed under the pectoral muscles...they are a semi hard plastic, and so with not much give, they poke under the skin. I am told, that when they add more saline to them, as they expand, my skin won't be so scrunched up and pokey.  The other thing that is uncomfortable are the drains that are on each side...tubes coming out, that lead into bulbs (think turkey baster), which I have to empty a couple times a day.  The amount of drainage needs to get down to a certain point, before they take out the tubes.  I am hoping that will happen next Monday!  Because these are not only uncomfortable, but a nuisence as well.

To boob, or not to boob...

So as I said, I had lots of Dr. appointments last week.  THe MRI went well, and for the first time, I actually dozed off and on! ( For a breast MRI, you don't lay on your back, and slide into the machine like most Mri's...I'll spare you the details, but I'll just say that it is very uncomfortable, and since my Mri's were for a study, they took more images and the process lasted much longer than normal).

Next I met with the plastic surgeon, and he went over the different surgery options.  Because my tumor has shrunk lots (yay!) I am a candidate for a (option 1) lumpectomy followed by radiation. This is then followed by mammograms every 6 months, and MRI's yearly, for 5 years.  A lumpectomy, I am told, is equal in 5 year survival rate to (option 2) a mastectomy. However, we are only talking about that one breast. My Grandmother had cancer in both breasts 5 years apart, and because I am NOT going to do this again, I have decided to have a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction.  I kept going back to the thought that my oncologist posed to me...If my cancer came back, or I got it in the other breast, would I regret it if I hadn't done everything that I could at the time.  My answer was most definitely yes.  And that is how I made my decision. 

In the surgery, they will insert expanders under the muscle, in which small amounts of liquid will be added over the next few months.  This will allow the expanders to be swapped out at a later date with implants.

So, I am scared about how I will look. I am scared about how much I might hurt. I am scared about the other procedures in the next few months, and the other surgery that I still will need to have.  But, I won't be scared about having breast cancer again, because I will have lowered the possiblity to about 1%.

Tomorrow I go (again) to UCSF...for hospital registration, and for a pre-op appointment.  Surgery is Monday at Noon.